BLOG: What I Learned Today
Tudor as Tutor
September 12, 2008
About two months ago, a client mentioned the four agreements as recorded by Toltec master don Miguel Ruiz. These four agreements are part of the wisdom and philosophy of an advanced civilization that lived in the Central Valley of Mexico thousands of years ago. As sometimes happens, within the next few weeks, I heard references to these paths to happiness and wisdom many times inside and outside the office. So today I read about the four agreements and then started thinking how they apply to my life. In particular, to the adoption of my 3-year-old Norwich terrier, Tudor, rescued from a puppy mill three months ago by concerned breeders and finding his way into my heart and home a month later.
Make no assumptions - I know this! It is the first rule of a therapist. Ask questions. Figure out how the world is for your client. I teach this principle in couples' therapy in order to short circuit "button pushing."
So when adopting Tudor, why didn't I ask what "he just needs to be socialized" meant?
Take nothing personally - Yes, of course. It's the 80/20 rule. Each person responds to their world by making something prominent and the rest of what is present the background. I can live in the same environment and make something entirely different the foreground.
The end result is that I am focusing on how, after three days, Tudor is not recoiling when I reach out my hand to pet him, and that - lo' and behold - after a week, he has a jaunty little tail and a voice with which to bark. Others may comment on the fact that he is up a couple of times a night (and so am I) and maybe he will never be house broken. If they call him a "used dog" or a "dull knife," I am defensive and combative.
Be impeccable with your words - Do no harm. In a position of trust with clients, I think through and am careful with the words I use.
I need to be as careful with the single word commands I use with my new best friend. If not, he cocks his little head to one side and looks for compassion because he hasn't got a clue what I mean, but he hears the disappointment or dismay in my voice.
Always do your best - Fear and regret. The future and the past. Time frames in which we have no control and can waste the only nonrenewable resource we have, time.
What I constantly need to remind myself, stay in the present moment. And I think I have found a teacher willing to help me enjoy the moment. Okay, Tudor, let's go outside and enjoy the beauty of our summer day.
